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The cast is a fighting game’s focal point more than any other genre. And no game showcases this like the soap opera known asTekken 8. All 32 (and counting) characters have incredibly diverse personalities. Whether it’s stoic mutes like Dragunov or caffeinated extroverts like Azucena, you’ll likely identify with one of T8’s competitors.
And you know what a game with such a varied ensemble calls for? A horoscope list, of course! (TG is an online publication, after all. We need those clicks! #suckitbuzzfeed.) So, if you’re tired of the bread-and-butter personality tests, why not check out how these Tekken 8 characters align with your astrological chart?
SPOILER ALERT: This article contains significant plot points from Tekken 8’s story mode The Dark Awakens.
Aries - Bryan Fury
March 21 – April 29
The ram represents Aries. And what do rams do? CHARGE! This sign is abold risk-taker with a competitive edge. Unfortunately, An Aries’s impulsive behavior can translate their fiery attitude into catastrophic consequences.
Bryan Furyis a strong example of what happens when Aries goes unchecked. Thisbloodthirsty war machine loves violence and chaosfor its own sake. Anyone who gets in the way is collateral damage.
I could get into the specifics of this character, but I don’t think it’s necessary. After hearing Fury’s maniacal laugh, you’ll immediately know something isn’t right. This dude needs some more focus and self-control.
Your Horoscope:HEY! Cool it with the trash talk. We don’t want you getting banned.
Taurus - Victor Chevalier
April 20 – May 20
Taurus is represented by the bull, which also charges. However, unlike the firey Aires, Taurus is grounded to the Earth. They have a heightened sensuality, which gives them a taste for the finer things in life. But they also know when toput the champagne down and get to work.
Victor Chevalieremblemizes the Taurus to a T. On the one hand, heleads the UN with a laser focusand steadfast decisiveness. But when this Silver Daddy is off the clock, he’simpressing his dates on luxury cruisesaboard high-end yachts. He’s the Dos Equis man if he were in Tekken.
Another trait attributed to the Taurus is theirstellar financial literacy. Many make the connection between the sign of the bull and Wall Street. So, it makes sense thatBandai Namco describes Victor as a penny-pincher.
Your Horoscope:You’re waiting for the Season 1 DLC to go on sale, and I support that decision.
Gemini - Reina
May 21 – June 21
You know what they say about Geminis. Theirduality knows no bounds. I’m not implying that the sign of the twin is intentionally two-faced or devious. It’s just that the Gemini lives in a world of contradiction, whether on purpose or by circumstance.
Let’s examineReina, for instance. You never know what she’s thinking. But that’s how she survives. She can’t simply walk up to Jin and say, “Hey, bud. So that devil gene we both have…How does that work?” That’s a one-way ticket out of The King of Iron Fists Arena courtesy of Alisa Bosconovitch.
When you live on the outside, you mustexploit every point of entry to break inside. Is that duplicitous? Sure. But when you’reavenging your dead dad, the ends justify the means. So, you do you, boo!
Your Horoscope:You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Butter up your rival so they assume you’re no threat. Then, you’ll show them who’s boss in the next tournament.
Cancer - Jun Kazama
June 22 – July 22
Oh, Cancers, the devout nurturers. This Zodiac is highly knowledgeable, both emotionally and logically. While a Cancer’scapacity for empathyis a significant asset, it can also become their downfall.
Jun Kazamahas infinite compassion for all living things. Her compassion is so strong itpurifies the darkest of evils, like Jin’s devil gene. Now that she saved her son, Jun’s next target of rehabilitation is her devil husband, Kazuya Mishima.
Believe me. I know what you’re thinking:“Gurl, you can’t change him!“I agree. The Despair ending in The Dark Awakens confirmed that Kazuya would still pursue world domination, even without the devil gene or Azazel’s power. So, why is Jun putting herself in danger? She deserves a partner who will reciprocate her kindness tenfold.
Your Horoscope:Skip the rematch, no matter what he tells you. He’s just going to spam that frame-advantaged move again.
Leo - Kazuya Mishima
July 23 – August 22
Leo signs take after the lion, aferocious jungle cat that survives by asserting dominance over the pride. Subtlety is not in their vocabulary, and they will do whatever it takes to look good in front of others. It’s not uncommon for villains to exhibit Leo qualities (case in point: Street Fighter 6’s Akuma).
So, I’m calling it now: Kazuya Mishima is Tekken’s resident Leo. (I know, you thought it would be Lee Chaolan. But remember, you’re able to peacock without being a Leo. More on that later.) No one but aLeowould undergo several flashy devil transformations, consume the original ancestral devil, and plot world domination simply because of daddy issues.
Your Horoscope:Oh, you’re “The Lord Of Destruction”? That’s cool, I guess. Hey, when was the last time you called your son?
Virgo - Nina Williams
August 23 – September 22
According to New York Post contributorRida Wigle, Virgos are the most dangerous zodiac sign because they cancover up a crime without remorse. Virgos areterse, efficient, and highly adaptableto high-stakes scenarios.
The only Tekken character that can pull off this feat is Nina Williams, our favorite professional assassin. Nina holds no alliances. She would even kill her sister. And for the right price, she’ll make whoever you want ‘disappear.’ Just remember to contact her during office hours. She won’t take business calls on her vacation lightly.
Your Horoscope:You’re the cheater the Tekken devs have been talking about, aren’t you?…Um. Wait. Nevermind. I don’t know what I’m talking about. (Please don’t hurt me.)
Libra - Lee Chaolan
September 23 – October 23
The scale represents Libras. This symbolizes living life inbalance and harmony.You may think ‘balance’ is an odd word for the flamboyantLee Chaolan. But this dude is more than a millionaire playboyand my video game himbo crush.
Remember that Lee runs Violet Systems, usingin-depth research to develop revolutionary technologylike his hi-tech battle suit. You don’t invent a functional battle suit by sitting on your ass. That’s an accomplishment that takes dedication and hard work.
So, if you see Lee chilling poolside in a revealing speedo surrounded by bikini-clad lady friends, don’t be quick to judge. He earned that downtime. When youwork hard, you have toplay hard. See? Balance.
Your Horoscope:You’ve done enough training for today! Go play some Tekken Ball, you scamp!
Scorpio - Jin Kazama
October 24 – November 21
I don’t care what anyone says. IloveScorpios. Like their scorpion counterpart, these individuals mayappear cold and aloof on the outside. But, deep down, Scorpios are some of thedeepest-feeling, most thoughtful individualsI’ve ever met. A Scorpio is someone you can trust. And if you get stung by one, you should ask whatyou didto trigger its self-defense mechanism.
Jin Kazamaholds so much inside becausehe has so much to lose (and has lost many things already). Imagine if your father abandoned you and your mother. Then, your mother was slaughtered by an ogre. And after all that, your grandfather shot you in the skull. I might have started a world war, too.
Scorpios, I know you think no one will understand that your true intention for worldwide destruction is to contain the purest form of evil. But there is a Xiaoyu out there who will always listen and be on your side no matter what. It’s okay to let others in!
Your Horoscope:That gamertag didn’t say “gg” in an ironic way. Go ahead and accept their friend request. You need friends!
Sagittarius - Ling Xiaoyu
November 22 – December 21
The Sagittarius is adreamer who will go through hell and back for the things and people they care most for. ‘Impossible’ is not in their vocabulary. In other words, they’ve got “chutzpah.”
I can’t think of anyone who fits this description better thanLing Xiaoyu. Xiaoyu left her home country to enter her first King Of Iron Fists Tournament and fund her dream ofbuilding an amusement park. However, her goals became more ambitious as she formed bonds with the Mishima family. She sought to rectify the trauma that tore this family apart.
Many people would look at Xiaoyu’s ambitions as impractical. But as a wise woman played by Sheryl Lee Ralph once said,“Dreamers are the only people that can bring about a different reality."(Yes, I snuck an Abbott Elementary reference in here. And if you haven’t watched yet, what’s wrong with you!?)
Your Horoscope:Tell whoever said you don’t have a shot at EVO to mind their business. Keep pushing forward. You got this!
Capricorn - Sergei Dragunov
December 22 – January 19
Capricorns are’get-the-job-done' kind of people. Do you need someone to gather intel on foreign entities for Mother Russia? Get yourself a Capricorn. In this case, get yourselfSergei Dragunov, a.k.a. “The White Angel Of Death.”
Dragunov’s discipline is admirable. But that laser focus on his job steals from other parts of his life. Tekken 8 is thefirst game in which he gets any free time. And in some ways, it’s a shock for him.
Fortunately, because he’s so resourceful, Dragunov can navigate any situation. So, the model tank company ceased production? No sweat! Dragunov willjam a Mokujin head on that suckerand make it a deadly weapon. When there is a will, there’s a way, even when it comes to having fun.
Your Horoscope:Let yourself go for once and join the Discord chat! The gamers won’t bite.
