InDungeons & Dragons, if you end up playing a character like the Bard, you’ll have to get really creative. Not only areyou playing a spellcaster, meaning you’ll probably have to flavour your spells, but you’re also playing what is often a maestro of music and a conduit of charisma. There are often a lot of features and spells for the Bard class that lend themselves to opening up your creativity as a player and making your Bard (and their songs) unique.
One of these is the cantrip Vicious Mockery. And although you don’t have to actually have your character say an insult out loud, here are a few that will leave you roasting the enemy so bad they’ll take some fire damage.
10If Ignorance Is Bliss, You Must Be The Happiest Person Alive
Cut Them Down By Insulting Their INT
This insult is a clever one and one you’ve probably heard before or seen on the Internet. It’s just obscure enough that your DM and the enemy won’t expect it. This is also great to use against humanoid enemies or ones that will actually understand you.
Also, this works well with a smart enemy who clearly takes pride in their intelligence, like a mad wizard, adding salt into their wound by dismissing their pride. Either way, this is a great insult for your enemies and really puts the mock in the title Vicious Mockery.
9Are You Always This Stupid, Or Are You Making A Special Effort Today?
Definitely One Of The Meaner Insults
If you want something mocking but a little more casual, this is another great one to go to, especially if you use this insult straight after the first one when casting Vicious Mockery again. It really piles on the insult, hitting them in the same place and mocking their intellect (or lack thereof).
Once again, this is just another fun insult that is sure to make the players around the table get a good laugh as you dish out some more of thatgood old psychic damage.
You can swap out “stupid” for other insulting words to fit the context. For example, if they fail a Dexterity saving throw, you could use “clumsy” instead.
8With A Face Like Yours, I’d Join A Cult Just To Get A Free Mask
Use This Against Any Cultists
But if you’re looking for something a bit more hard-hitting, then use this. In Dungeons & Dragons, cults are a common enemy type. So if you ever come across cult members or even get to cast Vicious Mockery against their leader, this insult will hit that much harder.
However, you can still use this insult on practically anybody, and though juvenile, it’s still a clever way to call the enemy ugly. Hopefully if you use it against a cult member, they’re wearing a mask, too, just to add some icing on the cake.
7The Only Difference Between You And The Mud On My Boots Is The Mud Is Actually Going Somewhere
Very Effective Against Low-Life Bandits
From mean to just downright vicious, it’s an insult like this that makes you see why Vicious Mockery does psychic damage and not anything else. The best kind of enemy to use this against is something like a criminal, whether bandits or members of some kind of thieves' guild.
This is perhaps one of the most insulting insults on the list and makes you almost glad these roasts don’t do fire damage, or else this would be a Fireball and make you risk burning yourself, too.
6Is There An Elemental Plane Of Disappointments I Can Banish You To?
This Is The Perfect Insult To Spellcasters
Similiar in vein to the last insult, this one really hits for the psyche. Although it’s a little bit more niche (as you’d probably have to use it on a spellcaster or someone intelligent enough to know about different planes), it’s still one that you should add to your repertoire.
What can only make this insult better is if you follow it up with actually casting Banishment on the enemy in your next turn, adding injury to your insult.
5You Know It’s Good We Aren’t Facing Intellect Devourers…Oh, Not You, You’d Be Okay
Even Better If You’re In The Underdark
For this insult, you’ll have to do a little bit of acting, saying the first part out loud as if you’re speaking to the party before you direct your gaze upon the enemy you’re targeting, before saying “Oh not you, you’d be okay.”
In comedy, timing is everything, so if you get that right, you’ll have the enemy too stunned by your insult before that psychic damage and disadvantage suddenly settles in.
4If I Die, I’ll Get Revived. If You Die… Well, Nobody Will Really Remember You, Will They?
Just Pray There’s A Cleric With You
There’s always room for some really mean insults when it comes to Vicious Mockery, and once again, this one is best used against humanoids, or at least an enemy that communicates and can understand you.
Just make sure that if you say something like this, be prepared for a very angry enemy that is probably going to want to test how true your words are. Better make sure you do have aCleric that can bring you back to life.
3Look At That, Ladies And Gentlemen. They Can Speak Common!
Does Your Enemy Talk A Lot? Make Em Shut Up With This
Now it’s time for some more funny insults again. If you have a mouthy enemy like a bandit leader or even another Bard trying to use some Vicious Mockery against you, then be sure to use this as a great comeback.
This is somewhat of a more niche joking insult, but once again, it is one that you can save in your repertoire to use when the moment strikes, and it is always nice to have a couple of comebacks saved up for whenever you need them.
2You’re The Only Enemy Who Has Dropped My Expectations
This One Is Especially Funny Against BBEGs
No matter what kind of enemy you’re facing, this one is just funny for all kinds. Whether it’s a dire wolf attacking your camp or some Lich that is about to Fireball you all, it’s just hilarious to tell an enemy straight to their face how disappointing they are to you (even if it’s just a bluff).
Either way, this is a great insult that is applicable to all kinds of enemies, so if you need one for anything you’re fighting, then you’ve got this.
1You Make Me Wish There Was A Disguise Others Spell
So Good Even Your DM Will Laugh
Once again, this is another insult situated more for humanoids. This is a funny insult and another way of just calling your foe ugly. If you have anyone else in your party playing any main spellcasters like a Wizard, then be sure to use something like this.
After all, the best kinds of Vicious Mockery aren’t just the ones that take your enemy down a peg but are jokes that your party finds funny enough to laugh at with you.
