I haven’t playedBalatroyet. Hey, don’t yell at me! It’s not that I don’t think it’ll be good, because every single person I know or follow on social media who’s played it only has glowing things to say. Our own Stacey Henley has written aboutwhy it worksas a card game that isn’t really a card game, and I distinctly remember my colleague Eric Switzer highlighting it to us as a possible hit in TheGamer’s Slack weeks before it went viral.
If anything, I haven’t played it because I’m scared I’ll like it too much. I’m not usually big on card games, but I’ve been known to get hooked for weeks on end when they do click with me. Near the end of last year, my friends got on a Dai Di kick that ended up with us playing it on someone’s living room floor and shouting at one another while very drunk on New Year’s Eve. Dai Di has similarities to Balatro in that it’s vaguely poker-based, but not really. Look, the intricacies of the game are not the point. It’s fun andyou should learn to play it. The point is that I will probably develop an unhealthy relationship with Balatro if I were to take the leap and actually play it.
If you’re not familiar with Dai Di, it’s probably because it originated in China, and I’m not sure it ever spread beyond the Asian diaspora. But I live in Chinese-majority Singapore, so I’ve been playing it since before I hit puberty.
Balatro appeals to me on many levels, which is why I’m fairly impressed with myself that I’ve managed to avoid it for so long. Not actually having to be good at poker is a plus, because I don’t know how to play poker, and I never intend to learn. Roguelike mechanics? Yes, please. Creepy Joker cards? I love that. I even managed to hold back after seeing that Balatro has tarot cards, which is huge because I’ve been into tarot for over a decade.
Unfortunately for me, Balatro is coming to mobile. That’s a great thing for everybody who can be normal about things, but mobile games have long been my downfall. I know they get a bad rep for being money-sucking,full of nonstop ads, and are often falsely marketed, but I’ve had a long, storied history with this specific platform. It’s the convenience of it that ruins my discipline, the fact that I can play it anywhere, anytime.Console streaming isn’t at a point where we can pick up and play without strong Internet, andI’m not always keen on carrying my Switch with mewhen I leave the house just to whip it out on the train.
But I always have my phone. I’ve managed to funnel my itchy fingers into ridiculously high scores on Good Sudoku instead of spending hours on Homescapes as I did in my early twenties, but I already know that once it’s ported, Balatro will take over my life. Where I once stayed awake in bed playing Sudoku on the highest difficulty instead of just going to sleep, now I’m going to be giving my life to this almost-poker game. There’s no fighting it now.
Balatro
WHERE TO PLAY
Balatro takes the classic card game of poker and adds roguelike gameplay, using Joker cards with various abilities to build your deck and attempt to defeat pesky blinds.
