Final Fantasy 7 Rebirthis a great game. Partly because it’s weird. It’s unabashedly strange, and it’s not afraid to show it. Which is all well and good, but this also opens the door for plenty of bits where players can’t help wondering why something that’s happening canpossiblybe happening.
We’ve picked eight of our favorite examples, but we’re sure you can think of more. Maybe you’ve already thought of all these, too, but if nothing else, you’ll know you aren’t alone. And trust us, you are not alone. This stuff’s about as goofy as it gets, and with FF7 Rebirth, that’s saying something.
We’d like to think we’ve chosen relatively spoiler-free picks here, but this sort of thing is in the eyes of the beholder. Be warned, then, that there arelight spoilersahead!
8Crate-astrophe
This was the case in Final Fantasy 7 Remake as well, but the denizens of Gaia don’t seem to mind when Cloud slashes apart countless boxesright in front of their eyes.
you’re able to’t wield your sword in major hubs, but you can pull out the blade and render stacks of crates into dust in many smaller-scale settlements, like the various regional ports. Is wanton destruction this commonplace? Is this a daily occurrence? Do the box manufacturers not care?
It’s all one big gameplay mechanic, since we suppose Square didn’t want nonstop treasure chests dotting the landscape. Come to think of it, that one’s weird, too.
7What Do You Mean, Non-Elemental?
The classic Final Fantasy 7 only had four elements: Fire, Ice, Lightning, and Wind. All spells and summons outside their domains were classified as non-elemental.
The Remake trilogy maintains this clause despite other elements existing within several other Final Fantasy titles. Which is all well and good, but occasionally, it feels downright silly. Alexander isn’t Holy elemental? We’ll let it slide. Titan and Quake aren’t earth elemental? Well, OK.
But Leviathan isn’t water elemental? Heck, it isn’t even ice elemental? It’s just… non-elemental? Square, we promise, that’s literally water. It’s a water god. It’s a whole thing. We’ve got Wind, but we don’t haveWater?
6Mr. Strife, I Presume
We love everything about the Junon parade events during Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth’s fourth chapter. The developers went all out, and the results speak for themselves. Narratively, mechanically, graphically - it’s the whole package. It’sfun.
So, we can excuse it as further fun, but we still find it odd how blatantly obvious it is that Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa are the ones hiding in those Shinra trooper uniforms. Unlike the real troopers' helmets, theirs are far more open.
This whole thing transpires because they need to be sneaky. Maybe they ought to have remembered the rest of the stolen helmets. Rufus dramatically reveals that he knows who they all are when they’re standing not three feet in front of him. So would anyone, Rufus.
Except maybe Heidegger. Honestly, we can buy that he was shocked. He’s a bit dense.
5You Have [Already] Mastered An Ability
We can’t be alone in finding it odd how Cloud, Aerith, Tifa, and Barret all need to relearn a few of their unique techniques from Final Fantasy 7 Remake. The game could have been far worse about this stuff - our heroes still feel stronger in Kalm than they did in Sector 7, at least - but still.
Take Cloud, for example. He comes with a few of his old standbys, but he’s somehow forgotten Triple Slash, Disorder, Blade Burst, and Infinity’s End. Devil’s advocate and all, but he’s had a tough time with his memory, so what about Tifa? She’s got it together, right?
Tifa, you forgot Chi Trap? You forgot Divekick? Starshower? Tifa, no, what happened to you? How did you forgetFocused Strike?That hitchhiking idea must have seemed prime at the time, but something happened to everyone’s heads in the back of that truck.
4And How Do You Propose We Do That?
Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth is generally pretty good about this stuff, so it struck us as odd when, toward the end of Chapter 11, the party briefly stumbled over how to do something that they’d done a few times since.
By this point in the narrative, Cid Highwind had offered his services as the pilot of the Tiny Bronco not once, but twice - both times, he showed up because the team sent up smoke signals at airstrips, just as they were instructed to do so. Now, they’ve got to head to the Gold Saucer, and inexplicably, they’re stuck on how to pull it off.
There’s this little moment when everyone looks at each other, almost crestfallen over their uncertainty as to how to get from Nibelheim to the Gold Saucer. But they came to the Nibel region by way of the Tiny Bronco, and they knew about the signals. Good thing Cid lit up a new one just seconds later, which prompted everyone to see it in the sky and think, “hey, that’s not a terrible idea.”
3Can’t Take You Guys Anywhere
Dread it. Run from it. Your party is a wrecking ball all the same. Unlike those ridiculous boxes, you won’t even need a sword for the party to run roughshod on hundreds of chairs, tables, benches, baskets, traffic cones, warning signs, you name it.
You can be as delicate with Cloud’s movements as is humanly possible, but that won’t stop his friends from wreaking havoc. Every hub in FF7 Rebirth is bursting with objects that the developers decided ought to have an interactive component to them, and your party’s AI pathing leaves quite a bit to be desired.
The result is to be expected: nothing less than full-scale vandalism committed by a group of rebels on the run who (checks notes) need to avoid drawing attention to themselves for fear of being identified as alleged terrorists. Thank goodness no one so much as bats a lash when Barret and Tifa roll through a resort like a tornado.
2This Is Literally Me
This happened in Final Fantasy 8, and it happens again in Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth. There’s a hit trading card game sweeping the streets on a global scale, and many of the most powerful cards are designed after the main characters. Cloud’s got a card, Aerith’s got a card, Sephiroth’s got a card. Even Dyne’s got a card.
Laguna put the Squall card up for grabs during a game of Triple Triad back in FF8. In FF7 Rebirth, you’ll find Cloud’s card at the Card Carnival in Costa del Sol. Who is doing this? Who is putting these people into the production cycle as new Queen’s Blood cards are presumably pumped out on some conveyor belt?
While we’re at it, why is there virtually never a drawback to losing a match of Queen’s Blood? Tournament and that kid’s demand for five gil not withstanding, we mean. At least in Triple Triad, your cards were on the line. In Queen’s Blood, you could lose to that cardsharp canine a thousand times scot-free, but when the hound hits a loss, you claim a prize.
1Moogles, Like, Everything About Them
Sorry, but no. There is something very wrong about Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth’s moogles. We’re not the only ones thinking it; they’ve been called “cursed,” and we could think of worse words if we tried.
They’re like anthropomorphic koalas. With human teeth. And the dull, vacant, yet somehow coldly calculating, eyes of trained killers. In Remake, the only moogle was not a moogle - it was a kid in a moogle suit. We refuse to accept these are real moogles, either. These are nightmare fuel.
And is it too much to ask for that adult pseudo-moogle to round up its own pseudo-mooglets for once?
